back in the saddle and back on the mat

I went back to yoga last week, and I’m not sure my body will ever recover.

I started up my yoga teacher certification since I quit one year ago, (its hard to be in your body and let everything else escape your mind when the ONLY thing you can think about is where the nearest trash can is and how you will avoid vomiting on the mat next to you) and I LOVE it.

Yoga helps me be in life and not just live through it.

The first ten minutes of class, we meditated. True yoga meditation is much more intense than I have a desire to practice, but I’ve certainly learned the importance of slowing down and focusing my mind on one thing. Too often I am wondering what we’ll make for dinner, how we’re going to get the house clean before the baby wakes up, when we’re going to write those thank-you’s that are long overdue, when I’m going to fit in study time, what we’re going to get dad for his birthday, and what we’re going to get everyone for Christmas. All at the same time.

So we just sat, completely still, and listed off in our minds all the things we were thankful for. I think the idea is to throw out that grateful energy into the universe, but I take the opportunity to pray and thank He-Who-Created-All-Things-I’m-Thankful-For, for creating it. I think it’s a great time to give credit where credit is due, so anytime we are in svansana at the end of a practice, or setting an intention at the beginning, I pray.

So that’s what I did. I started out grateful for the Plan, having a purpose, knowing that I’m here for a reason and a specific mission, grateful for a Savior, the Savior, and for a Father that loves me. Then I moved on to my family. Then to my health, then to our circumstances, then to people and friends in our lives that have made a difference. It went on and on like this, and I never ran out. When we were asked to finish up and I opened my eyes, I noticed I was smiling, and our (male) instructor was crying.

I love yoga.

Someday I’ll open up my own yoga studio, maybe in a guest house. I’ve been part of At One for so long, I’m excited to get out and experience real yoga, the yoga I did with this guy. He’s amazing.

I remember a time where all I wanted was to be different from who I was. I wanted to have that girl’s body, wanted to be able to exercise like her (or him), wanted to try any diet that had a promise of me being different tomorrow than I was today. I was wanting to be anything but what I was- a perfectly beautiful creation of God. I wasted lots of time in my life comparing myself to every girl in a magazine, every actress on TV, and every person I walked by on the street. My body wasn’t as small or as tall or as muscular as the next girl, and all I knew was that I hated MY body, even though I’d never taken time to get to know it. Yoga gave me the chance to get to know it.

Now I don’t read magazine’s. I don’t watch prime time television, especially shows that will trigger comparisons, or idolizing some body, like ANTM, or DWTS. Not because they are bad. Because they are bad for me.

And now I’m happy with my post-pregnant, post-childbirth, post-eating disorder body. Now I focus on how grateful I am that despite how badly I’ve treated my body, and all I’m not able to do anymore, I was still able to have a beautiful baby, I can still rollerblade (because I can’t run), and I have energy to get through each day.

And so, you are all invited to be in my class (for free!) when I graduate from teacher training. Hopefully it will do the same thing for you as it did for me.