Guest Blogger Kylan

I stole this from his blog.

If only you knew how proud Ky is of his little angels. If only you all knew how tenderly he smiles at them. If only you all knew how much love exudes from him to this little girl. Not just when she's sick. If only you could see, as I have seen, how little he takes for granted in being a dad each day. He dances with her every night. He sings her songs, even when he doesn't know the words. He encourages her when she has a hard time saying words. He smiles and laughs with her often. Because mostly she laughs. You would find this more precious, more heartbreaking, and more inspiring than you already will if you all knew him.

It's 2:27 on Sunday afternoon. Lili is sleeping. I've been singing made up lyrics to You and I for about an hour. It's time for her next treatment. They just gave her a dose of Morphine and Loretab, hopefully she can sleep through what is about to happen. This is treatment number eight. Two to go. This is day eight.

I'm hopeful, but terrified. I haven't cried like this before. Somehow I know myself better now. I am surprised at how much I didn't know about myself. I've learned more about Jen too. I'm learning. I know more about the human body. I know more about what radiologist do. I know what the attending hospitalist is. I know what an infectious disease specialist does. I know why Primary Children's Hospital is so wonderful. I know more about my relationship with Lili. I like that.

Fear has been replaced by numbness, I think. Jen is a rock. She is stronger than me.
I am grateful for every smoochie Lili has ever given me. I love her. I knew that already. I guess I was still a little unclear on what exactly that felt like. They say love hurts. Excruciating. I want to watch her dance. I want her to tell me to stop dancing. "Oi, Da...Oi".

There are so many kids in this hospital. Many more sick than Lili. She still has her hair. Her heart works perfectly. We are encouraged. She'll be ok.

She is just so little.