Smith James Stoneman

3 weeks old today peeps!

and after three weeks, I've already acclimated and don’t want to sound snooty when I say I'm darn near perfect at being a mom.  My day is completely scheduled and organized and I’m not at all sleep deprived.  He sleeps straight through the night, and if he DOES wake up, he never, ever, poops as soon as I change his diaper, no matter when I change him, or what I change him on top of.

He never cries, and lets me take naps whenever I need to during the day.  He doesn’t care if I put him down for 3 seconds to go to the bathroom, and certainly never screams his head off when I try to sit down while holding him.

I make dinner every night, and look like a movie star every.single.day.  I get my hair did and put makeup on, because he always allows me a little extra “mommy time”.

I’ve never forgotten to bring an extra change of clothes, a clean blanket, and extra diapers and wipes in his diaper bag, and I’m really great at scheduling my day and feeding times if we have some event to attend.  I’ve never had to call mother-in-laws to come rescue me, and never had to ask our parents to bend over backward to clean up my scheduling messes.

Since I do everything so perfectly, I never get frustrated, and so I never take any of that frustration out on my husband, no matter how mean he is.  And in return, he never gets frustrated with me (probably because I make amazing dinners each night and the house is always spotless when he comes home).

This baby thing is a walk in the park.

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Also….did you all read the fine print when you submitted your email address to me?  No?  tsk, tsk.  This is what it said.

I, ________, by submitting my email address and continuing to check in on Remi and her family, accept that I am walking into the unknown, and understand that some of her posts might make me uncomfortable, and I hereby promise not to be offended.

That being said, and signed by you, here are some of the pictures of my labor and birth.  It was a natural birth, hence the facial expressions.  Hope they don’t weird you out, because I think they are beautiful. 

Thanks mom.